Alexandria Crow’s Gratitude

Originally published on YogaJournal.com

I realized as I woke up in Maui this morning that the last time I was here was 10 years ago almost to the day. This time I came to teach a series of workshops and enjoy Thanksgiving with a loved one. Last time I was here with my now ex-husband—getting engaged. I was 26 years old. And as I look back through my older and wiser lens, I was a very confused and pained girl living with a lot of suffering inside.

Alexandria Crow Flashes Back to Her Life Before Yoga

Back then I had a different outlook on almost everything. I wanted to be married with a big ring. I wanted an expensive car, fancy clothes, a nice house. I would only dine in the trendiest restaurants and stay at the poshest of hotels. I thought life was about how you looked and how much you acquired. I believed if I could have all the right material goods or look a certain way, I would be happy.

But I wasn’t happy. I was miserable.

I lived with chronic anxiety and panic attacks. I was mean to myself and to others. I was incredibly judgmental and shallow. I hated my job, lived for Friday at 6 P.M., and dreaded Monday morning. I hated the way I looked, I hated how my body felt.  I tied myself to a relationship that was not healthy for myself or for my significant other.

I knew deep down that something wasn’t right, but I had absolutely no idea how to make things better.

See also Alexandria Crow’s Meditation for Anxiety

How Yoga Teacher Training Changed My Life

In one of those “I have no idea why I chose that” moments, I decided to take a yoga teacher training. That one choice (and then the hundreds of choices to live as a yogi that followed) changed my life.

I knew I must let go of all that I thought to become all that I am.

The decision to take the training and the choices that followed were hard and scary. Who would I be without all of those things I thought I needed? What would my life look like? I surrendered, not without a fight, but eventually I surrendered to what I must do. I knew I must let go of all that I thought to become all that I am.

See also Is Yoga Teacher Training for You?

Choosing Tapas

Joseph Campbell has a quote I love “You will learn to continue to die.”  That’s what I chose to do and what I continue to do.  I was practicing what us yogis call tapas, choosing to do what is hard work because the outcome on the other side will be one of less suffering.

I left my career and my relationship for starters…..

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